What Did Going to Israel do for Me?
Forgiveness is like buying a house. When you first determine to forgive it’s like a huge down payment, and regularly afterwards, more payments. More re-commitments to forgive. For 12 years I was a mess. Actually from childhood I was a mess. But one domino caused the next to fall, and the next, up until when I married a man. That was to escape my inability to heal from my emotional pain and inefficient coping mechanisms. As my marriage was falling apart my pain got 2-3 times worse than my failing marriage caused, due to another individual’s deception (not my husband). Then, going to Israel those 2 times—at the height of all this pain—gave me a bigger boost healing than anything else ever could.
What coping mechanism scraped me by?
I wanted to write Biblical fiction since I was a teenager. But I also wanted to marry a godly husband, have kids that would live for God, be a missionary, and/or have a successful career. Consistently God kept closing all other doors. I surrendered writing Biblical fiction to God because it was right and because I couldn’t make money at it. At least, not while I was driven by such resolve for accuracy. It had to wait until perhaps when I retire, given all I hoped to accomplish.
The Power of Hope
I knew God loved me. I was committed to trusting he knows what’s best. But in Israel God gave me the one thing I still longed for. Being cut off from envisioning the Bible world because of language, culture, and century barriers, His kindness started to feel more real. I could envision that ancient world so wonderfully now! And I had come home to my roots.
While in Israel God was giving me…a lifeline….
When I came home from Israel those 2 times, I worked as an administrative assistant but had numerous tough breaks. With years of experience, my career also ground to a halt in this area. I don’t mind the family responsibilities that prevent me from living where getting work is easier. But my whole career was destroying my confidence in the workplace. Forget all else I wanted, I needed to avoid debt! So meanwhile I edited all that video footage into the “documentary” I was planning to sell. I thrived on rehashing all that information while slowly, ever so slowly, I was healing. And that was my lifeline.
Shut doors are God’s best way to teach us faith about his kindness
I made this website because I wondered whether I could become an affiliate marketer. Now I know this will never produce an income for me, but as it evolved into a hobby, God’s kindness became more obvious to me. My years of misery in the workplace fueled this passion. Now, as I do have a pleasant, permanent job again, this website gives me joy by communicating what I’ve been learning. In hindsight, being in Israel was the lynchpin for my healing until I fully recovered. Now I’d like to spread healing to others, even to you.
Besides the map of Israel and my tour group in 2002, all the above pictures were produced with AI.
Did you read your Bible lately?
Heather, May 2023
